In A Rut…

In A Rut…

I’ve been asked a lot recently by my family, boyfriend, and friends when I’d be posting something new on my blog. I’ve been asking myself that question a lot too and never can answer it. If I’m being completely honest, I’m totally in a rut. I thought this summer, after finishing school, I’d put all my free time (which is A LOT) into my blog and I did do that for the first two months or so. But lately, for the past month or however long it’s been, I’ve been uninspired, lazy, or lacking motivation… not sure which, maybe all three. I have multiple unfinished blog posts in my “Drafts” that can easily and quickly be finished, but I really just can’t. I’ve realized all this “laziness” or “lack of motivation” is stemmed from not knowing what the next steps in my life are and finally experiencing the unknown.

Starting at an early age, we’re expected to go to elementary school, then middle school, then high school, followed by college, but no one really talks about what life is like after college. Once again, it’s kind of expected to get a job right after graduation. As a science major and as someone pursuing a career in health care, I am completely aware that I need more school (at least two more years). I am also aware that until I go back to school and get my certification in whatever I end up pursuing, I am unable to get a “real” job that I actually enjoy. I’ve reached a barrier on my journey to graduate school though because I haven’t taken one class that is required for a lot of schools. My problem is that if I decide to take this class (which is the best option and most practical option), then that means I’ll be starting my fifth year of college. Does that make me a failure? Does that mean that I’m not smart? I fear the judgment from others around me, especially people in the Bay Area, over this one class. It’s one freaking class. I got my degree already, why should this fear of being judged set me back even more?

Over the past few months, I’ve witnessed a good amount of my friends move from the Bay Area to places such as Portland, Boston, Seattle, Austin, etc. Some of them have moved for graduate school, while others just took a chance and moved without any sort of job or anything lined up. I was seriously considering moving to Portland and figuring it as I go, then I started thinking more. Does it make sense financially? Am I just doing it to follow my boyfriend? Do I really even want to live in Portland? The idea of moving and starting fresh sounds AMAZING and EXCITING, but I’m just unsure if it would be the right move for me.

I’ve also come to the realization that college and school in general does not teach you how to live in the real world. I bring this up because just about a week ago, I got a nail in my tire. This was my first tire incident ever and I had no idea what to do. Maybe some people are smarter than me and immediately know how to handle this situation, but I didn’t. Am I allowed to drive still if the tire isn’t flat? Do I drive fast or do I drive really slowly? Do I immediately call Triple A? I don’t know! Now that I’m writing this, I feel dumb, but hey, at least I know what to do now!

So how do I get out of this rut? Do I go back to school and take this one class? Do I just settle for any type of job despite the qualifications and pay? Do I pack all my things up and move despite being not financially stable? There are so many decisions that I need to make, but I’m realizing that any decision I make will work out fine, I just need to do what I think is best for myself.

Well this was just a bunch of paragraphs strung together randomly…basically what goes on in my brain…no real order. I really hope I’m not the only person in a rut right now. If you’ve ever been in a rut, let me know how you handle it and what you do to get out of it. Also, if you have any suggestions for my next move in life, let me know. I’m open to any ideas.

~Taylor

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