If you are new to my blog, then you might not know that I am currently in a long distance relationship. I am in Oregon, finishing undergrad, while my boyfriend is in the Bay Area, working. We’re only 543 miles away from each other (yes I did just look that up), but sometimes it feels like we’re 1000’s of miles apart… at least to me it does. We’ve been doing this long distance thing for around 4 months, a little less because of Christmas break, and each month I feel slightly different about the distance.
Recently, as in yesterday, I overheard a conversation, while standing in line at Starbucks, between two girls discussing whether or not long distance relationships were worth it. Each girl had different opinions, but to me, both opinions seemed super valid. It made me start to think about my own opinion on that topic, so I thought I would share it with you all today.
Long Distance: Worth or Nah?
I think first you have to think about how often you’d be able to see this person. If you’re living across the country from each other, then chances are you’ll only be seeing each other a few times a year. To me, that seems like not enough at all. Yeah you can still talk on the phone and FaceTime and whatever, but there’s something about physically being together that really builds a relationship. On the other hand, if you’re one or more states away and are able to visit each other at least once every two months or so, then I say it’s definitely worth trying out the distance. The first few weeks apart can be quite the adjustment, but once you are in the swing of your own life, then you don’t think about the other person all the time and it makes seeing each other a lot more special.
Another big thing to consider is whether or not both partners are willing to put in the same amount of effort. This is BIG because one-sided relationships are NOT okay (will be writing a blog post about that soon). I think partners should sit down and actually have a conversation about this. Both people in the relationship should be calling the same amount and reaching out the same amount. There’s nothing worse than always being the person who always calls and being the person who is waiting around for a phone call that may never come. Also, equal effort means both people visiting, not just one person doing all the traveling. I personally visit my boyfriend more, but a big factor to that is that my parents also live in the Bay Area, so I go home too. I would honestly rather go home than him come up to Eugene, but he is coming to Portland in March, so that’s good!
Trust. This is HUGE (literally going to say that about every single point I make), but honestly. You need to be able to trust your partner. When you’re apart, you or your partner can literally do ANYTHING and get away with it. You can talk to other people or hook up with other people…anything. It’s super shady and shitty, but it’s true. If you’re even thinking about doing that, I want to smack you because then why are you even in a relationship (ugh I hate cheaters)? If you can’t trust your partner, then you’re going to go CRAZY! You’re away from them the majority of the time, so your mind will just be constantly thinking about what they’re doing, who they’re with, where they are, who they’re talking to, etc. That is not healthy (trust me, I’ve been there, but I’m over it because I fully trust my boyfriend now). If you trust your partner, you shouldn’t have to worry about a thing and the distance won’t be a huge problem.
Lastly, you have to think about yourself. Put yourself first…always. If you think the distance will be too much, then don’t do it, it’s not a requirement. If you’re partner knows you and cares about you, then they’ll understand your decision. They might not like it, but they’ll accept it. A long distance relationship can be really emotionally exhausting. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried because of missing my boyfriend or just being stressed out about the distance. To me though, my relationship has been worth it because I know that I just need to get through June and then I’ll be coming home for good. That is what is best for me right now… it may change, but I just like to take it one day at a time. Honestly, do what is best for yourself… it’s way easier said than done, but you’ll make the right decision and you’ll ultimately be happier.
Ah long distance…such a confusing thing. I guess I didn’t explicitly answer the question: Is long distance worth it? My answer: you have to decide for yourself. For me, yes because I’m so close to finishing school. If I had a year to go or more, then my answer might be different. Evaluate your life and your relationship and ultimately do what you need to do for yourself!