My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 14 months now. To me that seems like so long since this is my first relationship and I think it is pretty long for two college students. This year has been definitely different than any other year and I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships in general….so here we go.
- Opposites attract, but to a certain extent. Everyone always says that opposites attract and I do believe that. My boyfriend and I are the most opposite people ever. I’d say I’m pretty introverted, somewhat emotional (at least in the relationship), and a forward-thinker and he’s pretty much the complete opposite. Somehow we have managed the balance each other and have made it work, but we have had many bumps in the road. We’re both really stubborn, so when we disagree on something, neither of us are willing to admit we’re wrong. It’s hard when you pretty much disagree on almost everything just because you’re so different.
- Fighting is actually healthy. I believe this is true because if you keep everything bottled up, someone is going to blow and it will lead to something bigger than it actually has to be. Also, if you’re not telling the other person you’re opinion then it just seems as though you’re settling and not really getting what you deserve. Now I’m not saying you should be fighting on the weekly because that is definitely not healthy, but a fight here and there won’t ruin the relationship.
- The honeymoon phase does not last forever. This is really sad, but there’s a reason why it’s called the “honeymoon phase”. It’s great and everything, but there’s a point when it’s time to actually get to know the person you’re dating and how they really are and not just how they want you to think they are while they’re trying to pursue you or while the relationship is fresh.
- Over-analyzing everything is a dangerous game. I am the biggest victim of this and when I mean biggest, I mean BIGGEST. Holy I over-analyze every little thing and it stresses me out beyond belief. I stress myself out for no reason, but I just can’t help it. I think I over-analyze things though to keep myself from getting hurt, which I think is something people do need to be aware of.
- It’s okay to put in a lot of effort in a relationship. I’m the type of person who will put in everything for any relationship, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship. I want the people around me to know that I’ll always be there for them no matter what and I don’t want them to have any doubt. I put in a lot of effort with my boyfriend and I don’t get the amount of effort back, but some people are just like that and you have to learn to either accept it or not.
- Don’t apologize for something you’re not sorry for. I think most girls end up apologizing after a big fight because most girls care more about their relationships. I find myself apologizing to my boyfriend all the freaking time, but he rarely ever apologizes. Maybe he has nothing to apologize for or maybe he’s too stubborn to apologize. I’ve realized that I shouldn’t be apologizing for saying something I feel. I said it for a reason. I said it for him to listen to me, not to start some big fight. I’m not going to apologize for something I say if I’m really not sorry at all.
- There’s no need to tell your friends every detail about your relationship. In this day in age, it’s so easy to have the whole world know about every fight, every break up, just everything about your personal life. Keep your relationship to yourself and keep it special. If you have a fight with your significant other, don’t run to go tell your friend what happened. Try and reflect on it by yourself. Write down what you’re feeling and just chill out a little. If you need someone’s opinion, try asking your parents first before your friends. Your parents know you better than anyone, so they should have the best advice to give.
- There’s nothing wrong with wanting a compliment. I think it’s normal to compliment your partner, especially when the two of you go out for a special occasion. Is it not? I compliment my boyfriend all the time because I honestly think he is the cutest boy ever. I also think he is so talented and so smart and I think he deserves to know that. I want him to know that I think highly of him and that to me, he is someone really special. I don’t think it is wrong to compliment him. I would kill for a compliment every once in a while, but I guess you can’t ask for one or it will seem really ingenuine.
- Listen to what other people have to say about your significant other. I kind of mean this lightly. I think that other people have an unbiased opinion of your relationship, so if they say something you don’t see, actually listen to them without being defensive. If your parents say you deserve someone better or they don’t really like your significant other, then I think that is something to really consider. We’re blinded by love and we notice all the things that are wrong, but are too afraid to act on it or just don’t want. But I also believe that you shouldn’t follow everyone’s opinions. Do what your heart says, while also somewhat considering what other people have to say.
- If it’s worth fighting for, then keep fighting. Relationships get messy. No relationship is perfect and every relationship is different. If you love the person your with, there’s nothing wrong with fighting for the relationship. Just be aware that the other person might not be fighting as hard for the relationship. I think you need to decide whether it’s worth it or not to continue fighting. I’m definitely the type of person who will do whatever it takes to make my relationship work, until I literally cannot do it anymore.
Well that’s it for now. Ten things I’ve learned thus far and also ten things I would think about for your own relationships. Honestly, do whatever your heart says and go with your gut feeling. That’s the best advice I can give. If you have your own advice, feel free to comment. I would love to hear it!